Mr & Mrs Valens
by TheChosenKid
Summary: Scotty and Kat Valens are a normal married couple, living a normal life in a normal suburb and working normal jobs. However, in reality, Scotty and Kat are both skilled assassins working for different firms, both the best in their field... More Sum inside
1. I Don't Understand The Question

_Mr. & Mrs. Valens_

_A/N: This story is obviously based on Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but I turned it into a Scotty/Kat fic. The otehr members of the team are in this story as well, some more than others, but I hope that their characters aren't too OOC._

_Summary: Scotty and Kat Valens are a normal married couple, living a normal life in a normal suburb and working normal jobs. However, in reality, Scotty and Kat are both skilled assassins working for different firms, both the best in their field, each concealing their true profession from the other. When both are assigned to kill a man named George Marks, nicknamed "The Watcher", they encounter each other on the job and discover the truth. Both employers task one Valens to eliminate the other, and each must choose between their personal and professional lives._

**I Don't Understand**

Scotty Valens and Kat Miller-Valens sit in their separte chairs in front of their marriage counselor. Their bodies seem tense, uncomfortable of even the _idea_ of having to talk to a counselor. Kat tries putting up a front, giving off the appearance that she doesn't need to be there. Scotty, on the other hand, shift uncomfortably, never really be able to do well with complete silence. To break the awkward silence, Scotty feels that he should be the first to speak. It's always good to have the upperhand.

"First off, we don't need to be here."

Kat puts on a fake smile, a smile that she has practice for years to perfection. "It's a funny story actually."

Scotty grins along. "We were at First Thursdays,.."

"...our friends, the Bell's, they live across the street."

"Anyway, there was a karaoke contest..."

"...which Scotty Boy here can't even hum a simple tune without butchering it..."

"...some guys and I decided to make a side bet..."

"...eventhough I tried to establsih in the kindest way possible on how bad the idea was..."

"...I mean, I had knocked back few and I wanted to win..."

"...Scotty tends to get competitive..."

Scotty chuckles a little at the comment. Competetive was an understatement. "Anyways, I go up, trying my hardest to sing _She Bangs _by Ricky Martin, by the end of the night, four hundred dollars are blown..."

At the same time the announce. "Four sessions with Dr. Louie Amante."

Kat smiles brightly as possible, feeling the tension is increasing. "The Bell's have a great sense of humor."

Dr. Louie Amante writes notes on their obviously rehearsed reason of being here. They've obviousy prepared themselves with the expected questions. He knew that they felt that if they told their story for being there then they could avoid the questions that put fear into them. "But you didn't _have_ to come."

Scotty's entire face drops. They're stumped. They didn't rehearse this. Unlike Scotty, Kat actually keeps her face composed. She wasn't going to let this doctor get the upperhand. They just had to get through their four sessions and never speak of this again. If they had marital problems, _they _were going to work them. They didn't need their hands to be held by some doctor.

"Right." Scotty didn't know exactly what else to say. He needed the wife to chime in a little to help him out.

Kat takes the time to save both of their asses. "You see, we have a theory..."

"We do?"

Kat glances over to her husband, hoping he'd catch on quickly to her attempts. "The remodeling?"

Oh. He nods towards her, realizing what she was trying to do. "Right. The remodeling." He turns back towards the doctor, sitting up straight to try and explain. She gave him the set up, it was the least he could do. "See, we've been married for five years..."

"...Six..."

Scotty pretends not to notice his miscalculation and continues casually. "...Five, six years, and this is just a refresher for us. I mean come on, we're just cleaning the walls, filling the chipped pieces, and maybe even put up a fresh new coat." He smiles, please with his answer. He glances at Kat, noticing the smile she presented was tight. She could just tell if she was aggravaited. Whether it was him, the doctor, or the situation, he didn't know.

Dr. Amante writes down some notes before presenting them a new method of questioning. "On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you as a couple?"

Right off the back, Kat says... "Eight."

Scotty looks back and forth between her and the doctor, confused on how easily she was able to answer the question. "Wait, so like ten being perfectly happy and one being...like totally miserable?"

Dr. Amante responds. "Just respond instinctively."

Scotty nods. "Okay." He looks over to Kat. "Ready?"

"Ready."

Scotty turns back to the doctor and both he and Kat respond at the same time... "Eight."

Dr. Amante looks between the two, slightly curious if they're treating this as if it was a game. "On a scale of one to ten, how happy would you say your partner is?"

"Eight." Scotty figures that's the best answer to establish, being the fact that she just said that _'eight' _was how much she was happy.

"Wait." Kat interrupts, really wanting Scotty's answer before presenting her own. "Are we allowed fractions?"

Scotty and Dr. Amante explain, only Scotty said it in a smart ass retort. "It's what's instinctive."

Kat gives Scotty a slight glare. "I'm all set. You all set?"

Scotty nods, trying not to let the glare bother him. "One...two...three..."

They both turn towards the doctor and answer. "Eight."

Dr. Amante writes some more. It was becoming more clear that this relationship has become more of a dry, but stuggling challenge between each other for a while. He could tell they worked well as a team, when going against others intense situations, but they also but heads going against each other. They were obviously playing a game with each other, even if they didn't know it themselves, so he needed to take them off gaurd. Throw them off their game.

"How often do you have sex?"

They freeze. They should have seen that coming, why wasn't that a question that they put on the list? Kat stomach churns not wanting to admit the actuallity of the situation.

"I don't understand the question." That was all she could say.

Scotty thoughts goes more deep, hoping to though the doctor off some. "Wait. Okay, Imma need you to fill me in here. Is this still the 'one to ten' thing?"

Kat chimes in, no longer stumped. "Eaxactly. I mean, does 'one' equal not much, or is one like nothing." She smiles eventhough her throat is going dry. Sad to the fact that the 'no sex' part is something she obviously quick to point out. "Because strickly, zero should be nothing."

Scotty continues noticing Kat's discomfort and decides to take it all upon himself. "Right. We don't know what 'ten' is."

Kat nods. "Right. Is 'ten'...you know..."

"...Constant...unrelenting..."

"...Twenty-four seven...without break. For anything..."

"...Not even to eat."

"...Like Sting."

"Exactly. Look at Sting's day job. Who else has sixty hours a week put aside to roll around in the sheets."

After their mind boggling explination for clarification, they look at their doctor, staring him in the face. Feeling slightly drained, as if they've accoplished something.

The doctor stares back at them, giving them their clarification. "This is not a 'one to ten' senario."

They freeze.

_A/N: I know this chapter was a little slow, but hoepfully it'll pick up the next chapter when they first meet._


	2. Five Or Six Years Ago

_A/N: Here's Chapter 2. It's the explaination of their first meeting. Hope you enjoy._

Chapter 2

The 'happily' married couple continue to sit in their seats with their counselor. They couldn't exactly answer their sex question, so Dr. Amante decides to move on, maybe get to where this relationship first started.

"Describe how you first met."

Kat speaks first. "It was right here in Philly."

Scotty smiles, remembering the day he met his beautiful, even if it wasn't the most beautiful setting. "At the new _Stillman Plaza _that was under constuction five years ago..."

"...Six..."

Scotty, slightly irritaited more with himself that he can't even remember how many years they've been married. "Right. Five or six ago..."

_...Five Or Six Years Ago..._

Scotty stands next to his sexy and buff friend and co-worker, Nick Vera, in an abandoned building, that looked like it was once previously flooded, and filled with criminalizing activities, construction workers in their hard hats with other architectures. Police sirens goes off, flying down the street.

Scotty whispers to Nick, making sure to make their conversation discret. "What's goin' on?"

"Stillman called. Said that someone killed the _Text Message Killer _right around the corner from us. Crazy, huh?"

Chris Lassing walks over in a constuction hat and a clip board. "Um, Mr. Valens. The building inspector is here and is asking for whoever is in charge."

Scotty sighs. He didn't feel like dealing with inspectors. He wanted to get clearance on the building so he could get back to his office, finish up his reports and go out with the guys for beers. He walks into the next room with Nick close behind.

"Do we really need this jackass to tell us how bad this building is?" Nick annoyed as well that they have to deal with some inspector. "Stevie Wonder could tell us how of a shitstye this place is. And yet, we have to clean it up."

"Come on Nicky, they're just doing their job." Scotty grins. "After they're done with theirs, we'll go do ours."

His eye catches someone in the mist of all the chaos. A beautiful, mocha skinned with the little baby curls in her hair. Her clothes seemed causal, and he almost thought for a split second, he almost thought she was one of his worker, but the way she studies the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and everything in between, he immediately put the thought off. He never seen anyone more beautiful and he knew he woudl have noticed her by now if she worked for his boss' constuction unit. She wasn't looking at him, too busy on her cellphone with a 'no bullshit look' on her face. He glances behind her and sees a blonde bombshell standing standing behind her. She couldn't see him either, too busy writing on a clipboard with an equal 'no bullshit look' on her face as well. He goes back to _Mocha_, watching her study the building, and realises that she's the damn building inspector.

"Hey Nicky..."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

Scotty ignores him. "You see that breathtaking inspector?"

Nick looks in their direction. On a normal day, he would be giving them cat calls right about now. But due to recent events, he's been on a woman hating rampage. "Don't do it man. She looks like a heartbreaker. Believe me, I just divorced one."

Scotty pats Nick on the back, grinning, but his eyes were still glued to the woman. "Don't let one bad apple ruin the whole pie. And believe me, I want a slice." He walks up to the woman, who's still not paying attention to him. He tries to put on his best charm "Hi, I'm-"

"Your building has a ton of code violations. Electrical, plumbing, stuctural, this whole building has to come down." Kat cuts him off, ready to get straight to the point.

Scotty looks stumped. Nick snickers behind him, causing Scotty to elbow him in the side. He decides to try again, putting his words in a charming voice. "So, there's not point of even trying to fix it. Just start from scratch, Mrs.-"

"Miller. And it's Ms., not Mrs., Mr.-" Kat finally looks at him for the first time, and for the first time in a long time, she's speechless. She didn't know what her expression was showing, but it must have shown interest because a smile began to creep up upon his lips, but she didn't really care at that point.

"Valens. Scotty Valens." He wanted to kick himself for the whole corny James Bond introduction, but it was too late. He just smiles as he stares into her warm, brown eyes.

Kat glances away from his eyes, giving herself a moment before she continues on. "As I was saying, this whole building needs to come down."

Scotty continues to smile, eventhough, having to get this building done by scratch was something he did not want to hear. He had enough men to get this done in top shape without tearing it down. "Well, I would like to discuss this further with you. Maybe over lunch?" He notices the blonde behind her silently chuckles.

Kat looks back at him, even against her better judgement, she smiles as well. "I'd like that."

"Okay, just let me get my jacket."

Kat's smiles slowly dissappears, caught off gaurd. Trying to slip back into her professionalism. "Wait, right now?"

Scotty chuckles. "Yeah, why not?"

Kat looks around the room with wide eyes, as if that alone should be able to explain it. "I'm working."

The blonde woman finally looks up from her clipboard, revealing her icy blue eyes. "Go ahead. I can take it from here." Her eyes sparkle with amusement.

Scotty claps his hands, glad that _Blue Eyes_ was able to do him a service. "So it's settled then."

Kat ponders for a moment. She could really use some free time. She was too distracted by the sirens to do her job all the way through. And besides, her best friend/partner said she had it covered. "I guess I'll meet you back at the office, Lil?"

Lily chuckles and whispers in Kat's ear, so the boys didn't hear. "I doubt it." Kat turns to give her a friendly glare, thank god for her complection to hide a blush that she rarely feels.

Scotty's face goes hot as his ear hear everything. "Alright, be right back." Without another word, he walks off with Nick following close behind.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Nick's eyebrows furrowed on how he got stuck in charge on this project.

They walk into the other room and Scotty grabs his black suit jacket of a table. "I don't know. Entertain _Blue Eyes_, just 'til I get back."

Nick's face reddens a little with irritation. "First off, how do I nknow if you're comin' back? And second, my ex-wife Julie's eyes are blue. Blue is the new color of Satan."

Scotty looks at Nick and chuckles. "Like that hideous tie you're wearing." He walks past his friend and heads back to the other room.

Nick had a parting shot at his young friend. "Oh yeah, well your mom brought it for me. I've been meaning to ask her if she's proud of the Casanova she raised."

Scotty hears his friend shouts the humorous words at him. Nick was once like his happy bestfriend, but now has his become bitter, older brother. He vowed to never become that way. When he choses the woman to settle down with, it would be the best, clear thinking choice he'd ever make. He makes it back to Kat with his Casanova grin on his face. "I know this place that'll blow your socks off."


End file.
